French Lessons

French Lessons is the first episode of the first series. It aired on January 5th 1989.

Summary and Plot
Desmond thinks Shirley is playing away when she begins to brag about her French teacher.

The episode begins with Shirley waking up her children for school - including a song that Sean ends up finishing for her, as he's already awake, dressed, and ready to go. Louise, Gloria's friend, emerges from Gloria's room. Shirley asks that Gloria make a breakfast for her friend; Gloria counters sassily, ''"Louise believes that women shouldn't be slaves to the kitchen." Shirley demands that they "refamiliarize [themselves] with [her] kitchen utensils" ''and remembers the last time Louise almost burned the place down making beans on toast.

Meanwhile, downstairs in the barber shop, Desmond is just opening up shop when Matthew and Porkpie walk in. Porkpie puts a record on the player and asks Desmond to "name that tune."

Sean comes swaggering down the stairs, bidding farewell with, ''"catch ya later, dad!" ''Desmond turns to his two friends and rants about how Sean learned that from school - where they taught him to "walk like that" and spray paint on walls. Gloria comes searching for the post and Shirley walks towards the three men, tea and toast in hand. She asks that they don't stick around as Desmond's isn't a coffee shop. After a breif toss of words back and forth, Shirley compromises and lets them stay: but on one condition. ''"One of you got to get his hair cut." ''Matthew tries to throw Porkpie under the bus, only to find out that Porkpie has too little hair to cut. He manages to escape with the excuse of college. Porkpie tries the same thing and only just barely manages to run out.

Upstairs, Gloria and Louise are giggling over a paper titled Male Order Man. Gloria hopes to get her "perfect man" from this magazine.

Desmond is having a touch of bad luck with his business, beginning with a kid who wanted his hair styled a certain way. Desmond is aggravated by this and, after giving a sarcastic remark, sends him off. Suddenly Lee comes charging in wearing a suit and sunglasses. Porkpie tells him, "with a suit like that, you need legal ''advice." ''A female customer comes in and Lee immediately tries to use his charm to warm up to her - she is less than impressed, speaking rapid French at him in not such a friendly tone.

Shirley learns that her new customer has a brother, Jean-Pierre, who has begun teaching an adult language course. This intruiges Shirley.

That evening, Sean is attempting to teach his father about the different coding procedures on the computer. He asks to have a turn and immediately panics. Sean reassures him, ''"it's just talking to itself." ''Shirley then reveals, after Desmond claims he and her are over their learning days, that she's decided to take French lessons. Everyone is surprised.

Louise and Gloria are looking at photographs at different men. Gloria comments that they can't see their faces possibly while Louise is more concerned at the lack of behinds. "''Men are always looking at ours. Why can't we look at theirs?" ''she justifies. Shirley then enters the room speaking in French - Gloria responds in kind. Shirley comments that her teacher, Jean-Pierre says she "picks up French very fast" and Gloria tacks on, "that's not all he wants you to pick up."

Downstairs, the men are playing dominoes and guess Matthew's numbers. They then argue about where they are going that night and Lee bursts in to usher them out. Sean quickly comes down as well, rapping his excuse, and Gloria and Louise breeze by as well. Then Shirley arrives, all dolled up - but not for a date night. She reminds Desmond she has a French lesson tonight. Jean-Pierre is taking her to see a French film to which Desmond interprets as a date. Shirley reassures him that there is nothing going on between them and exits, leaving Desmond on his own with only a bottle for company.

Shirley comes home late, at 2am. She explains how the car broke down and repair took ages, but Desmond doesn't believe her. Shirley, distraught, starts to talk about how much she knows about him, but how little he knows about her, ending up close to tears by the end of it. Desmond allows her to get her words out, followed by a few of his own from the heart. They reminisce in the time they first met and slowly begin to dance around the shop.

The next morning, Gloria chickens out in meeting her "dream man", giving the identifying marker (a rose) to Louise instead. She drops it on the tray of tea and runs after Gloria. Downstairs, Desmond is in a chipper mood, confusing Porkpie, Matthew and Lee. Shirley picks up the tea and, upon seeing the rose, thinks it's from Desmond.

Desmond happily explains the reason why he's in a good mood - he fell in love last night. Mistaking these to mean that he had a fling, the three men immediately ask for details, and act nonchalant when Shirley comes down. Desmond explains the truth, to which Matthew obliviously comments, "you can't love Shirley; she's your wife."

Lee continues pursuing the French customer and the rose incident comes back to bite certain people in the behind.

Quotes
"I had a brain once, you know. It's just that I put it away when I married your father."


 * - Shirley, upon answering a question for Gloria and Louise.

"What's the matter with these photographs, eh? You can't see their faces."

"Hm. Or their bums."

"Louise!"


 * - Gloria and Louise.

"I'm worried about muggers, rapists, and pervets."

"Dad, it's alright we know who they are. We go to school with them."


 * - Desmond and Gloria.

Main Cast
Norman Beaton as Desmond Ambrose Carmen Munroe as Shirley Ambrose Geff Francis as Michael Ambrose Justin Pickett as Sean Ambrose Kimberly Walker as Gloria Ambrose

Secondary Cast
Ram John Holder as Porkpie Gyearbuor Asante as Matthew Lisa Geoghan as Louise Dixon